College Tour

Student: "Is the hot tub hot?"

Guide: "Uh...well, it is a hot tub..." 

Tattoos

I told my kids that my mom would be pretty upset if I got another tattoo. My kids responded with, "tell your mom YOLO!"

Desperation

"You know you're desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of google."

Dr. Seuss

"Dr. Seuss could've been the best rapper alive."

Simba

"Simba was walking slow, so I told him to Mufasa."

Have you ever...

Student 1: "Have you ever heard of a two legged mouse?"
Student 2: "No"
Student 1: "Mickey Mouse. Have you ever heard of a two legged duck?"
Student 2: "Donald Duck?"
Student 1: "All ducks have two legs."

Reflecting on the New Year

"Welcome to 2013: where black people are presidents, white people are rappers, and Asian people play basketball."