Halloween

Teacher: "What are dressed up as?"
Student: "Snooki's baby"

Eyebrow

"Can you roll up your eyebrow fat?"

Game

"Hey! What's the name of that one game? Like Hip-Hop Scotch?"

Sassy Pants

8th Grade Student 1: "Why is everyone being so sassy today?"
8th Grade Student 2: "Because they're 6th graders."
6th Grade Student: "Well, you 8th graders are sassy too!"
8th Grade Student 2: "Yeah, but we're sassy with style."

Predicament

"I'm torn. McDonald's has bad food. And Chick-Fil-A has good food, but they're mean to gay people."

Road Trips

"The only time I eat fast food is when I go on road trips to Nebraska."

Disney

Student 1: "Did you know that Bill Nye is made by Disney?"
Student 2: "Yeah, everything's made by Disney now. Even soap."

Violin

Student 1 to younger students: "Hey!!! Quit playing with me."
Student 3 to Student 1: "They're playing you like a violin."

Laughing

"Laughing is the best medicine, but if you're laughing for no reason then you need medicine."

Grades

After conferences:
"I don't know why my mom is freaking out. I mean, she got all F's in school!"
...
"Maybe she gets mad because she wants me to do better...I just don't get it though"

Concussions

"You don't believe in concussions because you're English."

What are you doing?

Me: "What are you doing?"
Student: "Daydreaming"

Career Change

Me: "So do you still want to be a vet?"
Student: "No I think that I'm going to be a doctor now."
Me: "That's pretty surprising since you love animals so much."
Student: "Yeah I know, but I can't stand to see animals suffer. It breaks my heart in two, and I can't even imagine what I would do if one died while I was taking care of it."
Me: "And you wouldn't have those feelings if it was a human being?"
Student: "Maybe I should just be a plastic surgeon instead."

Religion

"I was raised to believe certain things, but now I'm not too sure. To be honest, all I know about the Baptist church is that there's a lot of hootin', hollerin', and praisin' the Lord goin on."

End of the world!

"The Mayans say that the world is going to end on 12/12/12...Well I'm thinking that if they're wrong then we will all look like idiots running around like crazy people!! We might as well just go about living our lives and say screw it."

New & Improved

"Didn't you know that One Direction is the new Justin Bieber!"

It depends...

Coach: "So, I saw that you signed up to play basketball this winter. Can you shoot a good free throw?"
Student: "It depends on my mood."

What can't you do?

Teacher: "We are all very impressed. You have straight A's and continue to improve. Is there anything you can't do for cryin' out loud?"
Student: "The splits"

Printer Problem

Me: "Why do you have your printer at school?"
Student: "Oh yeah, I brought it in because I need new ink."
Me: "Okay well you don't have to bring the printer in, next time just bring the ink cartridges."
Student: "Alright, but I don't know how to get the ink out."
Me: "I'll show you, but I need the power cord."
Student: "It's at home."
Me: "Well, when you get home plug it back in and open the front panel, and then the ink will slide over so you can take it out."

Horses

Student: "Hey!"
Me: "I don't see any horses around here..."
Student: "Whaaaaaat?"
Me: "You can address me as 'Miss'"
Student: "Oh, anyways..."

Scoring

"So coach, if I get a hat trick, will you buy me a Kit Kat?"

Applying for High School

Student 1: "What gets you into high school?"
Me: "What do you think?"
Student 1: "Smiling a lot."
Student 2: "AND BEING REALLY FUNNY!!!"

Goody Two-Shoes

Student: "I don't like being a goody two-shoes."
Me: "Why?"
Student: "Because I'm so smart that I finish all of my work early then I have to help everyone else."

Hero

"I named my iPod 'Titanic, so when it says 'Syncing Titanic' I click cancel and feel like a hero."

Text Message FAIL

Student:
"OMG! I just got that text too! Why don't they have a school supplies list in high school? I'm going to show up the first day and not have enough stuff. FML"
"Sry. Wrong person."

Me:
"Just be careful next time.  You don't want to offend anyone."

Student:
"Aight"

Yes, I can read minds!

"Don't be mad...I had my volleyball uniform in one hand and the trash in the other...You'll never guess what happened!"

Who are you voting for in the upcoming election?

"I don't believe in presidents.  I believe in Spongebob."