Tutor

Student 1: "Can I just get a new tutor already?"

Me: "Yes. We are working on it, but it just takes time."

Student 2: "Well I'll tutor her, but you're going to have to pay me...plus interest."

Creeper

Kid: "Mommie, I love you to the moon and back!"
Mom: "Awe, thanks sweetie! I love you all the way to Guatemala and back!"
Kid: "Wow! Mom, that's kind of creepy. Guatemala is really far away!"

Chuck Norris

"I wish I knew Chuck Norris."

Terrifying

Me: "Don't mess with me on a Monday."
Student: "Yikes!"
Me: "You look absolutely terrified of me right now."
Student: "Who's terrified?! I could never be terrified of someone that is so hilarious."

Jumping

Student: "Did you want to grow up? Because then you could do whatever you want."
Me: "Yes, of course. I can do whatever I want."
Student: "If I could do whatever I want, I would jump off a building."
Me: "That's not okay to say."
Student: "Noooo I meant like if I was a stuntman."